Another week has past

I'll be honest, we're learning that having 2 little ones is pretty tough (and exhausting!) work. Two nights ago Jackson woke up around 3:45am to eat, no big deal. As I'm feeding him, I can hear Colin coughing. He continues to cough until he throws up. I should probably mention that Jackson does not go back to sleep easily when he wakes during the night. We have to be extremely careful not to jostle him too much putting him back in the bassinet, otherwise he wakes up, cries, and we repeat the nursing process again. Anyways, Scott gets up to take care of Colin - changing both him and his bedding, while I continue to nurse Jackson. When I think he was done, I put him in the bassinet and went to help Scott. Of course Colin was wide awake and ready to play, so it took some convincing to get him back to bed. And he wanted Mommy to put him to bed, not Daddy. So I finally get him back to bed, go into our bedroom and Jackson is awake and starts crying to eat some more. I continue to nurse him and he falls back asleep and then I was able to put him back in the bassinet and go back to sleep myself. This may not sound too bad to anyone else, but this whole "process" took 1.5hrs. And of course that wasn't the only time I had to get up to nurse Jackson that night, so I didn't get much sleep.

Then we have the whole nursing issue. I'm really enjoying the time when I'm nursing Jackson, but I don't produce much and he usually still requires a bottle of formula aftewards and that's frustrating. Plus, Colin doesn't seem to like me nursing him. I think because Jackson is a slow nurser, Colin gets jealous. I try to pump, but I only get a total of 1oz each time, which yet again is incredibly frustrating. So I'm torn on this whole issue. There's a huge part of me that wants to make it work and do what I need to do, but then the small part of me keeps saying it's a losing battle. Basically I tried, it didn't work out, and need to move on. And I'll be honest, I think the small part of me is winning. Mostly because I nurse Jackson and he is still starving afterwards and cries until we give him a bottle. When I give him a bottle of formula, he is unbelievably content and happy. I actually have time to enjoy my little boy when I give him a bottle. But I so badly want to be the one nourishing him. So as you can see, I'm torn.... Sure I can pump and bottle feed that way, but it takes a whole day of pumping just to make up one bottle for him. UGH! I was prepared for this to be difficult, but I thought it would be hard because of Colin. I hadn't anticipated having such a low supply of milk :(

Anyways, despite our struggles with having Jackson here, I can say with certainty that I would not change it for the world. I cannot believe how much he has completed our family. I always said I wanted 4 kids, Scott only wanted 2, but now that I have my 2 boys, I am so happy and feel so fortunate for what I have. I cannot imagine changing or adding to our family in any way. To me my 2 little boys are the world to me!

Here's a picture of Colin on Mother's Day. He was being a goofball on our drive home and liked wearing his sunglasses upside down.

And here's Jackson from this past Wednesday, when he was 2wks old:

And last, a picture of the boys together. It's not a very good one because Colin doesn't sit still very long LOL But he loves giving Jackson hugs & kisses so I had to attempt to get a picture of it :)